I didn’t think that I had experienced sibling rivalry since there is a seven-year age difference between my younger brother and myself, until I started writing this article.  Through the mists of time, memories came flooding back. In particular, a hilarious incident when I asked my mom if we could “send him back!” The answer, much to my dismay, was a hard no. 

As the older child I often felt that my parents were taking my brother’s side in our disputes, as they assumed that I should be more mature. (Ha! Had they met me?)  

My brother and I grew out of our rivalry, but in many families, sibling rivalry can be constant and exhausting, with parents playing referee during frequent fights. Much of this rivalry and jostling for parents’ attention and approval is normal and inevitable, but it is still highly disruptive.

The art of living together

Siblings who are close in age and of the same gender often clash. However, according to Cory Bentley, a psychotherapist and the owner of Canoe Therapy, friction between siblings is more often caused by a child’s emotional makeup, such as how rigid or flexible they are in dealing with others, and their level of confidence.

“It’s a personality driven thing where some kids are born with a real need for justice and fairness and when they get overly focused on that, where does it play out? ‘Oh, someone got a bigger piece of cake.’ It’s the kid’s personality playing out in the structure of the sibling framework,” says Bentley.

After learning basic relationship skills from parents, the next step is for the child to learn sharing, negotiating, competing, interacting, and boundary setting with other children – particularly their siblings. Yes, there are bound to be growing pains. Luckily, parental coaching can help to defuse rivalry between kids and encourage them to have a strong bond. If parents model this with their own siblings, even better!

As Bentley emphasizes, “It’s not the amount of fighting that indicates whether they’ll have a positive relationship, it’s the number of good moments they’ve had together… And you do have control over the good moments.”

Making sure that your kids understand that they’re expected to have each other’s backs when they’re at school and involved in other activities goes a long way to create a lifelong bond.

To foster that connection, Shari Markovich, registered psychotherapist at Family Matters Centre, offers these parental coaching tips: 

• Avoid comparing children to each other.
• Spend one-on-one time with each child.
• Avoid blame and encourage respectful expression of emotions.
• Teach problem-solving and encourage team-work.
• Don’t force apologies too quickly.
• Notice and call-out the good you see (co-operation, kindness, etc.).
• Allow children to develop their own identity and avoid labels.
• Keep in mind that when children feel securely connected to parents and emotions are handled calmly and respectfully, sibling rivalry is reduced.

When it’s too much

So, you’ve tried these tips and the kids are still at each other like proverbial cats and dogs! When should you seek professional advice?

As Markovich explains, “There is a difference between normal conflict and ongoing hostility. Parents must intervene and/or seek outside help if there is persistent humiliation or aggression between siblings.”

According to Bentley, often sessions with parents are what is needed –- not necessarily sessions with the children. “Parent coaching can really go a long way,” she says. “But if the friction is really getting one of the kids down, it’s taking a toll, it might be something to look at.”

Bottom line: Don’t hesitate to seek help if you feel that your family needs it. A sympathetic ear and practical strategies from a professional can work wonders.

By Cyndi Ingle

LOCAL LINKS

Canoe Therapy
canoetherapy.ca
info@canoetherapy.ca

Burlington Clinic
3455 Fairview Street, Unit 8, Burlington
905-633-9222

Oakville Clinic
515 Dundas Street West, Oakville
905-257-5555
oakvilleinfo@canoetherapy.ca

Family Matters Centre
2349 Fairview Street, Suite 205, Burlington
905-466-8023
info@familymatterscentre.ca
familymatterscentre.ca

Given that women are hardwired to nurture babies and support them as they grow, no wonder they bring a certain je ne sais quoi to their careers. Aside from the children who are their pride and joy, countless women in our community also make their work a labour of love.

Does it take gumption to put heart and soul in both career and parenting? For sure. Can women do it? Of course… but is it easy?

Look Local asked four local moms — who happen to excel in their careers — how they navigate this dual role. Their responses were candid and inspiring.

“Being present for my children while also showing up fully in my career requires constant adjustment and prioritization,” says Caroline Shutt, Family Wealth Advisor at Bellwether. “Some seasons demand more from one than the other. Learning to navigate that without feeling like you’re falling short somewhere has been the hardest part.”

For Hamilton jewellery designer Laura Tedesco, switching out of business mode at the end of the day can be a challenge. “My career is like another baby to me; it deserves attention and focus, and my clients mean everything to me… although I’ve learned to set boundaries and not overextend myself, so I can be fully there in my most important role as a mother.”

Wearing two hats

There is no prescribed way to balance motherhood and a career. Some women keep the two roles quite separate while, for others, the lines are more blurred.  

“Structuring my business to be appointment-based has made a huge difference,” says Tedesco. She builds flexibility into her schedule so that she can pick up her children from school, volunteer, and be there for the everyday moments. “They’re only young once, and I really try to cherish this special time.”

For Marianne Meed Ward, Mayor of Burlington, the calendar is a powerful tool. “The role of Mayor is 24/7, so you have to be intentional about making space for family,” Meed Ward says. “It’s essential to book time in your calendar to reserve it for family, the same as you would book time for work events.”

Juliana Berrio and her husband, Luis Velasquez, have always involved their daughters in their restaurant, Familia Fine Foods. “When they were little, they helped with simple tasks, sold lemonade at the restaurant,” Berrio says. “As they’ve grown, so has their role. They have responsibilities, they work alongside us, they sit in on strategic meetings, and they always have a voice.”

Shutt usually focuses on work while at work, and switches to mom mode at home. Occasionally, though, family and career intersect and that’s okay. “Some days will be organized and productive, while others might involve answering emails with one hand while helping with homework or figuring out dinner at the last minute,” Shutt says. “That’s real life.”

Dare to be imperfect

Sometimes, the secret to being fabulous is to remember you’re only human. These women have learned to be kind to themselves on the rough and messy days. 

“Give yourself grace and release yourself from the pressure to ‘do it all’ and to do it perfectly,” says Mayor Meed Ward. That means sometimes saying “no.” When she can’t meet requests from the community, Meed Ward offers alternatives. “I get invited to a lot of events that often conflict and I can’t be personally present at them all,” she says. “But instead of just declining, we offer a range of alternatives — promoting an event in other ways, sending a video greeting, sending remarks or a certificate, or asking a Deputy Mayor or Ward Councillor to attend.

“Perfection isn’t the goal,” Meed Ward says. “Intention, showing up, and making time for both community and family is the goal.” 

As a financial advisor, Shutt works with a lot of working mothers and sees firsthand the load they carry. “My advice would be to let go of the idea of being a ‘Super Mom’ and focus on being a present one,” she says. “Your kids don’t need perfection; they just need you.”Berrio’s advice for both motherhood and work is as soul-feeding as her restaurant’s Latin-inspired food: “Do everything — big or small — with love, with respect, and with the intention of always giving your best. Have a clear purpose in your life, and follow your heart.”

By Michelle Morra

Winter seems to last forever, but we know there is sunlight at the end of the frozen tunnel when it’s time to register kiddos for summer camps. That time is now! Halton summer camps cater to your child’s creativity and curiosity, whether they are captivated by nature, want to learn new skills, or increase their confidence. Check out these local camps guaranteed to create awesome memories.

Brigs Youth Sail Training
208 Hillyard Street, 2nd Floor, Hamilton
416-596-7117
brigs.ca

If you have a budding sailor in your family, a new sailing camp at Hamilton Harbour gives an opportunity to see if the sailor’s life is for them. The weeklong day camps are open to teens, aged 12 to 15, who will learn to sail a Tall Ship, the STV Pathfinder, and even spend overnight on the ship. No sailing experience is needed, and there is much hands-on learning, with a chance to climb the riggings!

Bronte Harbour Yacht Club: Youth Learn to Sail 
2514 Lakeshore Road West, Bronte
905-827-6437
bhyc.on.ca

The feeling of freedom when sailing on a beautiful summer’s day is priceless, and your child will discover this at the Bronte Harbour Yacht Club. Classes for kids from 7 to 17 provide an introduction, and more advanced classes that teach sailing theory, navigation, boat handling, and regulations are also offered. As the youthful sailors complete CANSail levels they can become involved with the BHYC Racing program and the Learn to Laser Race, where they’ll have the chance to attend a regatta.

City of Burlington
burlington.ca

The camps run by the City of Burlington are primarily operated outdoors, giving your kids from 4 to 21 (of all abilities) the opportunity to enjoy nature based, sports, arts, music, performing arts, theatre camps and much more.

Town of Oakville 
oakville.ca 

The summer camps offered by the Town of Oakville for kids aged 4 to 12, and youth 14 to 21 with exceptionalities, have something for everyone! Is your child interested in space exploration, ocean adventures, art, leadership and training, or sports such as rock climbing, hockey or skateboarding? The town has them covered, offering camps at various locations.

Conservation Halton: Ways of the Woods
905-336-1158
conservationhalton.ca/wow

Kids aged 4 to 15 will soak in the sunshine at local Conservation Areas while learning skills like archery, swimming, disc golf, and gardening. Is your child interested in farming, raptors, athletics, or riding mountain bikes? Older kids are encouraged to test their limits in the survivalist, Olympian, and leadership camps. Visit the website for registration and pricing.

Oakville Museum at Erchless Estate
8 Navy Street, Oakville
905-338-4400
Oakville.ca

Museum Discovery Camps allow children aged 4 to 12 to explore our local history in the areas of drama, architecture, fashion and design, through outdoor adventures. By the end of the camp your child will be schooling you with nuggets of information about our beautiful area!

Radiant Girls
905-335-9591
radiantgirls.ca

Radiant Girls is built on a simple yet invaluable premise: increasing the self-confidence of girls via physical movement, healthy nutrition and access to quality mentors. Their weeklong summer camps inspire girls interested in starting a business, learning cooking and teamwork skills, discovering their inner beauty, and building a positive self-image. 

Saints Studio
12 Barton Street, Waterdown
289-735-9530
saintsstudio.ca

Saints Studio, the brainchild of educator and choral conductor Sze Chen Cheong, is a one-of-a-kind experiential learning centre blending STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) and the arts. If you have a child aged 6 to 14 who shows an interest in singing, animation, engineering, creating art, and space and spy themed adventures, this unique camp program checks all of the boxes! 

Oxford Learning
80 Hamilton Street North #4, Waterdown
289.212.0164 
oxfordlearning.com/locations/hamilton-waterdown-tutoring/

Oxford Learning Centre celebrates each child’s unique strengths and learning style. Their Summer Camps blend academics with hands-on activities kids love. Camps are offered in full- and half-day, with before- and after-camp care included. Registration is open for Brain Camp, Art, Sports, STEM, STEAM, and confidence-boosting academic programs for campers ages 4 to 14.

Spartan Combat Fitness Centre
3325-B Mainway, Burlington
416.627.8387
spartankravmaga.ca/kids-krav-maga/summer-programs

The summer programs at Spartan Krav Maga are designed to empower, educate, and inspire. Your child will build physical fitness, self-esteem, and personal safety through fun and empowering programs that teach when and why to use self-defence and how to avoid conflict whenever possible. Make this a summer of valuable life skills, practical self-defence, and a ton of fun!

Hamilton Conservatory for the Arts
126 James Street South, Hamilton
905.528.4020
info@hcarts.ca

From musical theatre to drama, visual arts, dance, and music, the Hamilton Conservatory for the Arts offers a range of arts experiences to inspire creativity and foster lifelong friendships. A typical camp day is spent at the HCA’s beautiful dance and music studios and, weather permitting, at the park for some outdoor fun. With a different theme each week, there’s endless excitement as children discover their talents and make lasting memories. 

By Cyndi Ingle

Starting a family is a sweet time in young adults’ lives. Picking out colours for the baby’s room, deciding on a name, and finally welcoming home the new arrival are moments to cherish. It’s somewhat less fun for parents to make financial commitments or think about their own mortality. Estate planning can, however, be considered an act of love. While not as enchanting to a baby as a plush toy, long-term financial security is a thoughtful, crucial gift from a parent to a child.

Will and trust 

A will is used to ensure, after your death, that your assets are distributed according to your wishes. It names guardians for your children and appoints an executor to manage your affairs. John Sutherland, Barrister and Solicitor, recommends that new or expectant parents meet with a lawyer to create a will as soon as a child is in the picture — or ideally before the child is born. 

“Having a will ensures that your loved ones are protected from the chaos, cost and guesswork that would ensue should you unexpectedly pass away,” Sutherland says. “A will gives you the ability to clearly dictate who will raise your children, how your assets will be managed, and at what age your children will inherit.” A will can also set up trusts to ensure the child receives the inheritance at an agreed upon age, and who will hold the money in trust for the benefit of the child.

RESP: The gift of education

Kids grow up fast, though it might be hard to imagine that squawking little bundle out of diapers and sashaying on stage in a graduation gown. Parents with room in their budget should consider a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP), one of the most generous programs available to families. 

“Even small contributions are boosted by government grants, which is essentially ‘free money’ for your child’s education,” says Caroline Shutt, Family Wealth Advisor at Bellwether Family Wealth. If cash flow is tight, Shutt says, “grandparents can contribute at birthdays or holidays.” Grandparents can also set up their own RESP with their grandkids as beneficiaries. A modest, regular contribution really adds up (see sidebar) while the child grows.

While not as enchanting to a baby as a plush toy, long-term financial security is a thoughtful, crucial gift from a parent to a child.

Life insurance, added reassurance

Once children enter the picture, life insurance becomes another important financial consideration for young families. It isn’t about expecting the worst, Shutt says. “It’s about protecting your family’s lifestyle if the unexpected happens. It helps ensure that expenses like housing, childcare, and education don’t become an added burden during an already difficult time.” 

When shopping around for a policy, Shutt advises that new parents seek clarity. It’s important to know what is covered, what is not covered, how long the coverage lasts, whether premiums can change over time, and what information must be disclosed during the application.

“Working with a trusted advisor, asking questions, and reviewing details carefully up front can help avoid surprises later and give peace of mind that the coverage will truly be there when it’s needed most,” Shutt says.

By enlisting professional help, and with some budgeting and forethought, you can secure your child’s financial future. In return, you can confidently get on with the joys of parenting.

Bellwetherworks with families to simplify financial decisions by offering guidance in investments, tax and estate planning, and insurance, all tailored to your family’s goals. 

Sutherland Marshall Professional Corporationis a boutique law firm in downtown Oakville, specializing in Wills & Estates, Real Estate Law, and Family Law.

A small RESP contribution adds up

Saving about $96 bi-weekly adds up to $2,500 per year. The government then adds $500 annually through the 20% Canada Education Savings Grant (CESG).

Over 14 years:

• Parents (or grandparents) contribute $35,000
• Government grants add $7,200 (the lifetime maximum)

That’s $42,000 toward your child’s education before any investment growth and built gradually, one pay cheque at a time. The Canada Education Savings Grant (CESG) is subject to annual and lifetime limits and eligibility requirements.

Local Links:

Bellwether Family Wealth
1425 Cornwall Road, Suite C6, Oakville
bellvest.ca

Sutherland Marshall Professional Corporation 
344 Lakeshore Road East, Suite D, Oakville
oakvillefamilylawyer.ca

By Michelle Morra

When it comes to holiday fun, nothing beats an old-school crafting session. Whether your kids are bursting with creativity or just looking for something to do on a chilly afternoon, crafting always brings a little extra sparkle to the season. 

From handmade gifts to clever wrapping ideas, here are some holiday crafts that are as practical as they are playful.

Sock Snowmen 

White tube socks make sweet no-sew snowmen. Fill a clean sock with rice or dry beans and tie off sections with elastic bands to form the body and head. Decorate with markers, and glue on buttons and scraps of fabric for scarves and hats. Add a few drops of essential oil to the rice and these snowmen double as seasonal air fresheners.

Pinecone Reindeer

Next time you’re out for a walk, gather a few pinecones. Add googly eyes, a red pom-pom nose, and pipe cleaners for antlers. Kids can make a whole reindeer crew to sit on the mantel or hang from the tree. Add a name tag and they become charming homemade place cards for the holiday dinner table.

Jar Candle Holders

Recycling bin full of glass jars? Great! Wash and dry them, then have kids decorate with tissue paper, Mod Podge, and a bit of ribbon. Slip in a battery operated tea light and bask in the glow of this handmade gift. This one’s not just pretty, it’s upcycling at its sparkliest.

Homemade Snow Globe

Empty jars also make lovely wintry scenes. Glue a small toy to the inside of the jar lid and let it dry. Fill the jar with water, add glitter, and a few drops of glycerin to slow the sparkle. Screw the lid on tight, give it a shake, and enjoy your whimsical snow globe!

Cinnamon Stick Star Ornaments

These crafts smell amazing and double as natural air fresheners.
Glue five cinnamon sticks into a star shape. Wrap twine around the joints for support and hang with ribbon. Decorate with small buttons or dried orange slices for an old-fashioned touch.

Handprint Ornaments

Trace your child’s hand on cardboard or felt and cut out 10 to 15 handprints. Glue them in layers around a cardboard ring to form a wreath. Add red paper “berries,” a bow, or even a photo in the centre. Add the year and their name to create the cutest crafted keepsake.

DIY Wrapping Paper and Gift Bags

Store-bought wrapping paper and gift bags are definitely convenient, but if you’ve got a little extra time and creative energy, try making your own! DIY gift wrap is fun and totally one-of-a-kind.

• Wrapping Paper: Spread out plain brown paper or the back side of old paper grocery bags. Use cookie cutters dipped in paint to stamp on trees, stars, or snowflakes. Optional: Add a little glitter. 
• Gift Bags: Take any plain paper bag and add ribbon handles, stickers, or hand-drawn snowmen. Potato stamping is another fun way to add colour and personality. Just carve a simple shape into half a potato, dip in paint, and stamp away.

Friendship Craft Night

Invite friends over for a festive “crafternoon.” Set up a table with supplies, old magazines, jars, ribbon, and fabric scraps. Provide examples for what to make or let them create whatever holiday masterpiece comes to mind! It’s social, screen-free, and everyone goes home with something handmade… and probably some glitter in their hair.

Looking for some holiday craft inspo? Be sure to pop into a local craft store for ideas and supplies. Happy crafting! 

DeSerres, Oakville https://www.deserres.ca

Queen Bee Creations, Burlington https://queenbeecreationshome.com Bead-Dazzled, Burlington https://www.bead-dazzled.ca

By: Lisa Thornbury

Halloween isn’t just tricks and treats for kids. Furry family members can also be part of the festive fun. My black cat, the ultimate symbol of Halloween (second only to pumpkins), gets her moment in the spotlight every year. I plop a tiny orange hat on her and take a photo of her with the kids in their costumes before we hit the streets trick-or-treating.

Many local pet businesses offer ways for pets to get in on the festive fun. From costumes to toys, treats and even parties, pet Halloween is serious business.

At Dogtopia of Burlington, pup members are invited to show off their costumes, join a mini parade, star in a spooky photo shoot, and even take home a treat to keep the night sweet.

While the idea of including pets in Halloween sounds fun, they don’t all enjoy the spooky festivities. “Dogs can be scared of masks,” says Tracy Buchkowsky, Manager at Dogtopia. Even social pups may find certain aspects of the evening frightening, or get anxious with the constant doorbell ringing. To help pets enjoy the evening, Buchkowsky recommends providing them with a calmer space — such as in a separate room or behind a baby gate — or even booking a sleepover at Dogtopia to avoid the Halloween chaos altogether.

If you do want to take your dog trick-or-treating, safety comes first. Keep the pup visible with the right, reflective gear. Allison Sullivan, owner of Burlington North’s Bone & Biscuit, recommends a light-up dog necklace such as Nitehowl. “It’s an LED safety necklace that you can cut to the proper size, and it’s rechargeable,” she says.

Tips to Maximize Halloween Fun with Pets

Get a porch portrait with your pet in costume before trick-or-treating begins. Buy a new toy to add some festive fun while keeping pets happily distracted from trick-or-treat chaos. Host a “paws parade” in your living room, or with some neighbours, so that four-legged-friends can show off their costumes. Don’t forget festive treats like Bosco & Roxy’s seasonal cookies!

Remember to keep pet costumes simple. They shouldn’t be too loose or tight. Avoid things that could impair movement, hearing, or vision and beware of any small accessories that can be swallowed. Try out the costume before Halloween night to ensure your pet is comfortable with it (you can tell if they push it off or wriggle out of it).

Buchkowsky also recommends keeping pets on a short leash in case they get spooked by a lawn ornament or trick-or-treater. And be sure to have their ID tags up to date in case they dart off.

For pets who get startled by noises, doorbell chaos, or unfamiliar faces, check with local pet stores for calming aids. Sullivan recommends Your Go 2 (a spray commonly used for pets who get anxious when getting their teeth cleaned) or Healthybud, calming chews made with duck meat and liver. In the cuteness department, pets are right up there with kids on Halloween night. Just remember to keep your furry ghouls safe, comfortable and happy.

BY LISA EVANS